


let's not fall in love.

by bokuroothighs



Series: Songs and Anime Boys [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Based on a song, F/M, Friends With Benefits, High School to College, Implied Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Smut (barely), Song Lyrics, bc I suck at writing it, kags is afraid of commitments, the characters in tags are just glimpses lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25223137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokuroothighs/pseuds/bokuroothighs
Summary: Let’s not fall in love, we don’t know each other very well yet.Actually, I’m a little scared,I’m sorry.Let’s not make promises, you never know when tomorrow comes.But I really mean it when I say,I like you.alternativelyyou've loved kageyama since you first laid eyes on him but he's afraid of commitments.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Reader
Series: Songs and Anime Boys [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827376
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46





	let's not fall in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song [Let's Not Fall In Love by BigBang](https://youtu.be/9jTo6hTZmiQ). I recommend listening to it while reading!
> 
> also, the fic is written on Kags' POV until the last part where it's written in the third person. Hope it's not confusing!

_let's not fall in love_  
_we don't know each other very well yet_  
_actually i'm a little scared_

"So, you're the king of the court, huh?"

Tobio glares at the female who approached him with a wide grin. She's Nekoma's manager and surprisingly, she's not helping around in preparing the gym.

"Tetsu-senpai refuses to let me help. Honestly, they hired me as their manager but treats me like a baby," she complains when she recognizes the look in his sharp eyes. Tobio remembers her comment from earlier and chooses to ignore her, turning away as he drank from his water bottle. 

The girl, however, looks delighted by this and peers at him curiously with an even wider grin. "Oh? Did I offend you? Sorry," she laughs, hopping in front of the setter to be in his field of view. "I'm a volleyball fan so i've heard of you before. You're quite famous, O-sama!"

Tobio grunts and glares at her and she laughs loudly. "That's quite a scary look you've got there, O-sama! Honestly, it's attractive." He feels blood rushing to his cheeks. What the hell is wrong with this girl? She pokes fun at him but proceeds to compliment him? Is she... flirting?

"Shut up, what do you want?" Tobio finally gives in and replies to her and she pinches his cheek. "You're cute, can we date?"

His eyes practically bulged out of their sockets and he chokes on air, making the girl howl in laughter, patting his back. "I'm kidding. But I do want us to be friends."

Tobio looks away from her to avoid her intense gaze but nods anyway. The practice match ends and she waves goodbye at him, but not before giving him a piece of paper and a peck on his cheek which earns the gasps of his teammates. "Text me, Kageyama-kun."

_i'm sorry let's not make promises_  
_you never know when tomorrow comes_

Tobio didn't text her after a month but that was only he was being bugged by Hinata. Apparently, the middle blocker is in contact with Kenma and their manager wouldn't stop bothering him.

"Come on! Kenma's getting really fuzzy because she keeps on asking you to text her."

He finds it bothersome, to say the least. Right now and probably for the years to come, his focus will only be volleyball. He didn't want to get sidetracked.

"I guess texting wouldn't be much of a harm."

The next time they see each other is for the training camp where both Karasuno and Nekoma are attending.

"Tobio!" The manager greets him with a hug, earning a couple of whistles from their teams. The girl ignores this and smiles up at him and he can't help but smile back a little.

She notices quickly that he's not on talking terms with Hinata. "You guys fought?" She asks as they walk together to the gym where Karasuno's first practice match will be.

"Something like that," he mutters and she elbows his side, making him glare at her. She laughs heartily. "I'm sure you two will fix it up in no time." Somehow her words reassure him.

Every time Karasuno lost, they would run up the hill in punishment. And every time they reached the foot of the hill, she would be waiting for him with a smile and his water bottle.

"Thanks," he says, cheeks still flaring and he blames the heat outside and their constant sprints, not the quick beating of his heart.

"Oi! You're our manager, not Kageyama's!" Kuroo yells at her from the other side of the gym. She glares at the older boy before waving at him and rushing to the Nekoma boys. "Shut up, senpai! You don't even let me do anything!" He hears her complain and he lets the chuckle of adoration escape from him.

The days of summer camp passed quickly. Too quickly for Tobio's liking. It's the last day and he sat next to her as they snacked on watermelons. He can't help but shake his head as he sees how messy she eats the fruit, taking out his towel as he wiped her mouth gently.

"Are you a kid or what?" He asks her with a sigh and her innocent smile was enough to send a warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach. "Thanks, Tobio."

He just nods and proceeds to eat his fruit again when she speaks up. "Want to sneak out later when the lights are out?" She asks him with a mischievous grin. "There's a nearby convenience store here. We can eat and chat all night!" She doesn't say it but Tobio knew what she meant. They don't know the next time they'll meet up so they should savor their time together.

"Sure," he replies and her eyes widen in surprise before she breaks into a smile.

True to her word, she was waiting for him outside the lodging just after the lights are out. She takes his hand in hers and pulls him to the convenience store she's talking about, grabbing a bunch of snacks and drinks. Tobio offers to pay for their food and carry the bag outside where they could sit.

"Why is it suddenly full?" She grumbles, the three tables filled with college students who were all talking loudly amongst themselves. "Guess we just have to go back," she sighs with disappointment and Tobio refuses to admit that his heart felt a pinch of hurt.

"D-don't you have your room by yourself?" Tobio asks, cheeks just a bit pink that she wouldn't notice.

"Should we just eat there?" she asks him, stars practically in her eyes from excitement and he doesn't have the heart to tell her no. Not trusting his voice, he nods and she immediately pulls him back to their lodging, refusing to let his hand go.

Tip-toeing to her room, she shuts the door quietly before turning to him. "We can't open the lights or they'll know I'm awake." With that, she turns on her phone's flashlight which was just enough to give them a better vision but not too bright to get noticed.

They talk, as if they haven't done that the whole two months that they haven't seen in each other. They tell each other's dreams, Tobio playing for the national team and her as a sports analyst.

"You're still planning to go to college?" she asks and Tobio nods. "My parents wouldn't let me not go so I agreed but I'd still join the volleyball team. I'll play pro after."

Perhaps it was the comfort of their conversations or the cold seeping slowly into the room, they don't notice how close they were until Tobio looks at her and their noses almost touch.

He mumbles her name, unable to look away from her wide, innocent eyes but glancing down on her parted lips. "Tobio," she whispers back and that was the signal he took to capture her lips.

His first kiss. He didn't know what to do or expect but the soft whine leaving her mouth fuels something within him. What started as an innocent kiss turned much more passionate. He found himself cupping her cheeks as he pulled her closer. As her arms snaked around his neck, he parts her lips with his tongue and she lets out a breathy moan. He pulls her onto his lap, fingertips brushing on the skin just beneath the hem of her shirt.

"Tobio," she groans out and he shushes her but can't help but gasp when he feels her hand brushing slightly past his pants before tugging at the hem of his shirt. "Off."

He pulls away, looking straight into her eyes. Dilated pupils stared back at him and the only sounds in the room were their pants as they tried to even out their breathing. But from her dazed eyes he could see the want and that alone was enough for him. He probably had the same look anyways and he smirked to himself, laying her down on her futon.

It was his first time but it was more than amazing and by the look of pure bliss on her face, he knew she felt the same. She turns to her side and buries her face on his chest and he freezes slightly before wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her closer.

"You can go just before the morning call," she says to him, looking up and the strays of her hair framed her face. Tobio looked at her and nodded. Their gaze held a promise. A promise of not promising anything because he knew that she knew, this can't mean anything. Not right now.

He left while she was sleeping, pressing a kiss to her forehead and a note beside her. They exchanged longing looks as the Karasuno team headed for their bus. She gives him a wave, the note he left clutched in her hand and he waves back before disappearing into the vehicle.

**'I'll see you again.'**

_but i really mean it when i say_  
_i like you_

Their high school days passed by quickly. They still meet up from time to time, whether on practice matches or actual tournaments. They barely talked anymore, other than the texts to check up on each other or ask if they'd be watching the same match to know if they can meet up. One thing was constant during those times though, them ending up on the same bed.

Curtains drawn that the moon shone through the glass windows, it reflected perfectly in her eyes and Tobio couldn't look away. His fingers traced the bare skin of her arms, leaving goosebumps in his wake.

"We're graduating soon," she speaks up and he finally wakes from his daze. He nods, his arm moving to pull her closer to him.

It was her turn to trace figures in his skin. It sends a warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach; the same feeling he felt back then. "Where are you going?"

"Tokyo National," he replies and she pulls away from his chest to look up at him in surprise. "No way," she whispers and he raises a brow. "What?"

"I'm going to Tokyo National too!" She laughs excitedly and his heart warms at the beautiful image before him.

"Guess we'll be seeing each other more now," she says again and he nods, wondering if that would be for the better.

_don't ask me anything_  
_i can't give you an answer_  
_we're so happy as we are right now_

Turns out that the major reason she was attending Tokyo National was because of Kenma and Tetsurou. He sees her the first time with the two and she smiles and waves at him before they continued walking. That afternoon, he receives a message from her asking if he wants to study together. Although she offers her dorm, when Tobio found out that she's rooming with the former Nekoma players, Tobio insisted they just study at his place.

"Sorry for imposing. I need a study buddy because I can't stand being alone for a long time," she smiles sheepishly as she sat on his couch. "And Kenma and Tetsu don't really study."

"It's nothing. I could use the company," he replies. They catch up a bit and in the short period of time they didn't see each other, Tobio noticed how she matured yet managed to stay the same. Same innocent smile and wide eyes, same warm atmosphere that she brings and he wonders if it's just him or she just manages the bring the sun together with her.

After talking, they manage to squeeze some time to study and when she offers to cook dinner, their books are long forgotten.

"So Shoyo decided to go professional, huh?" She asked him, glancing back at him before focusing again on the dish she's cooking. She was wearing his apron and her hair tied back with a few persistent strands falling to frame her face. Tobio watches her intently but still manages to respond to her questions. She finishes cooking after frying two eggs and puts the pork curry in two separate plates with egg on top.

"This is your favorite, right?" She offers a smile, sliding the plate to him as they sat on the bar stools. Tobio's apartment doesn't have a dining table but the kitchen island was enough for two people to eat together.

"This is really good," he smiles at her after taking a bite and she grins, winking at him. "What can I say, I'm wife material."

Tobio coughs and she laughs. She always manages to catch him off-guard and it entertains her so much.

After they eat, she insisted on washing the dishes but Tobio glares at her, bumping her away with his hip. She chuckles at this and proceeds to look around his place.

"Wow, didn't expect you to have beer in your fridge, O-sama." She still didn't let that stupid nickname go but at this point, Tobio was used to her calling him that. "Should we drink some?"

"You said, we're here to study," he raises a brow at her and she smiles, the one that turns her eyes into crescent moons and Tobio knew that he can't say no now. "Fine."

Three cans of beer later, she was already on his lap, taking off her shirt. He looks at her flushed face and he reaches behind her, tugging her ponytail away to let her hair fall. "You're beautiful."

She blushes but before he can tease her about it, she lunges to kiss him again.

It's been a while since they've been together and he felt it when he thrust into her, biting down a groan. They moved with much more passion this time, more fervor and Tobio managed to hold out his climax until she reached hers.

They laid beside each other that night, Tobio watched her sleep before he closed his eyes. Just before he drifted off into dreamland, he feels her move in his tight embrace.

"I love you, Tobio." It takes all the will in his body to not stiffen up and keep his arms around her. "I always have." She lets out a shaky laugh and he feels her caressing his face gently. "But I know you're not ready for anything right now so you don't need to answer. I'll wait for you. No matter how long."

He heard her yawn and she tucks her head beneath his chin and he wonders if she thought that she fit perfectly with him. Because thought the same thing. And yet he can't find it in himself to admit that he loves her too.

Once he was out for dinner with the rest of the Karasuno team when they run into her. She greeted them with a smile and bow before waving goodbye, her fingers brushing past Tobio's hands and it didn't go past Sugawara's eyes.

"Are you two still a thing, Kageyama?" Daichi asked and the setter flushed, stuttering an answer. "W-we're not together!" Tsukishima and Yamaguchi laughed at his clumsiness and the senior beside him sighed.

Tobio looked at Sugawara who just smiled at him. "You're supposed to be a simpleton, Kageyama. Why are you making this complicated?"

Tobio mulled over the older's words. Was he really just overthinking and creating this complicated situation?

_don't try to have me_  
_let's just stay like this_  
_you're making it more painful, why?_

They manage to meet up for study dates and "late night sessions" despite their busy schedule, combined with Tobio's practice. Even though he gave time to studying, he still prioritized volleyball more than anything.

She certainly helped him through the tough times though. When exams came up and Tobio didn't know how to juggle studying with practice, she tutored him and even cooked for him because she knew that he can somehow forget to eat in the middle of it all. Tobio can't help but to admit that without her, he's probably failing or about to pass out from exhaustion.

Finally, exams were over and winter break was approaching. Their coach gave them the rest of the semester for a break before they had to come back after Christmas for practice again. The university was holding the annual Christmas ball on the night before his birthday and she brings this up while their naked limbs were tangled together.

"So, do you have a date for the dance?" she asks him and he doesn't notice the shake in her voice. Probably because he, himself, is trying to stop the quick pacing of his heartbeat.

"I'm not sure if I'm going," he replies and it wasn't really a lie. "My parents are still deciding if they're going to a vacation or if I'm coming home for Christmas."

A pregnant pause came before she speaks up again. "Ah, I see," she says and Tobio finally noticed the quiver in her voice. "Well, if you're not coming home, you should definitely go."

Tobio replies with a hum and that was the end of that.

The next time he sees her is in the ball. She knew he'll be coming but she already had a date and Tobio didn't really ask her if she still wanted to go with him. And he regrets it.

He regrets it so much now that he sees her walk into the venue, looking ethereal in a lavender dress, arms linked with Kuroo. He's never seen her dressed like this before and he realizes that it's good. Because he'd probably not be able to stop himself for longing for her.

His eyes met hers and he freezes before her warm smile melts him. She doesn't approach him though, much to his disappointment because Kuroo is taking her to dancefloor.

He watches them from his seat. A few girls from his department would ask for a dance but he refused. His eyes never left you while you laughed with Kuroo. He realizes now that he never hated the former captain even if they clashed in matches before. But Tobio's sure that he hates the black-haired male now. He decides to take a breather, walking out into the venue's balcony with a glass of punch that he's sure's been spiked.

"Tobio." He jumps slightly from the sound of her voice making her giggle and that cracked him. He feels his heart fill with adoration and a whole wave of emotions. He turns to look at her and she smiles at him, leaning her forearms on the railing as she looked at the view of the city. "Beautiful," she mumbles.

He watches her. Her eyes reflected the city lights while her lashes flutter against her cheeks every time she blinked. The corners of her mouth turned upward slightly as she basked in the beautiful view and Tobio wanted to argue. Because his view was much better. But once again, he couldn't bring himself to tell her.

"I'm glad you're here." She breaks the silence again but still looks ahead instead of him. Tobio thinks that he wanted her to look at him that way too. "Who are you celebrating your birthday with?"

"No one," he answers. "My parents and sister are out on a vacation and I can't go since I have to come back for training right after Chrismas."

"I'll come by tomorrow if you want," she offers and he turns to her again. "If you're free, you can come," he replies.

Tobio wished he spoke more. But that's that. She leaves him in the balcony, saying that Kuroo might be looking for her. He comes back a few minutes later and finds her slow dancing with the tall male and he takes that as his cue to leave.

With a heavy heart and fist closed so tightly, he dashed out of the venue. He wanted to be angry at the girl who promised to wait for him. But instead, he's angry at himself. For making her wait.

_goodbyes after our frequent meet-ups_  
_repetition of broken hearts_

He forgets that it's his birthday until he received a message from her at nine in the morning.

**It's O-sama's day! I'll be there by lunch with food.**

He smiles at the text and then his phone dinged from notifications from the Karasuno group chat. They all wished him a happy birthday and he thanked them all before responding to her with a simple, "see you."

She knocked on his door by eleven with two bags of ingredients. His eyes widen slightly but he helps her carry them to his kitchen.

"I figured I should bake you a cake too," she explains as she laid out the ingredients on the kitchen island. Tobio watches her as she started to bake. While the cake rests in oven, she then started to cook their lunch.

"You don't have to do this," Tobio says with a small smile as he watched her. She refused to let him help because it was his day. "Nonsense. I did this once for Tetsu already."

The ugly churn in his stomach came back, a green-eyed monster perched on top of his shoulder. _Argue with her_ , the jealous monster whispered to him. He willed to not say but she spoke again. "He also didn't come home for his birthday this year and it was just us in the apartment since Kenma was away so I baked him a cake and everything."

 _So, she's done this already for Kuroo. And now, she's just doing it again because she pities him?_ That's what nonsense was filling his brain.

"Seems like you like Kuroo-senpai so much," he says with that same voice he uses whenever he scolds his teammates. That same voice he uses when he wants to be in control.

She looks up at him, curiousity in her eyes. Tobio never spoke to her like this, ever. She can't put a finger on the tone of his voice.

"Of course, I do. He's my bestfriend," she answers him and he snorts, making her raise a brow. "What?"

"Bestfriend? That's a load of bull," Tobio says again and her eyes widen. There's venom in his voice, one he never used with her. The years she's been in this messed up relationship with him, he never instigated a fight.

"He's my bestfriend since high school. Him and Kenma. You know this," she explains again and he turns away. "No, I don't. Are you screwing him like what you're doing with me?"

The moment those words left his mouth, he regretted it. He tasted the bitterness in his mouth and he looks at her to see the betrayed expression on her face. Then, it was replaced with disappointment.

"Is that how you really see me, Tobio?"

He wanted to say no. He wanted to explain. That he's just being jealous and he didn't mean what he said. But that also meant admitting what he felt for her. And that still scares him.

She bites her lip in anticipation of his response but it never came. So she took off her— his apron and collected her things.

"In ten minutes, get the cake off the oven," she says monotonously before looking up at him. "Happy birthday, Tobio."

With that, she left and it was as if she took the other half of his heart with her.

_don't smile at me_  
_if i get attached to you, i'll get sad_  
_i'm afraid that pretty smile will turn into tears_

The holidays pass by quickly to others but it felt like years for Tobio. Today was the last day of the year and they were given another few days of break to enjoy the new years yet here he was, sprawled on his apartment's sofa with only regret and pain in his chest.

He wanted to message or call but he doesn't know what to say. He wanted to apologize but he doesn't know how without admitting his feelings.

But he knew that if he didn't take a step, he would lose her. And he can't imagine how to go on without her.

A ding brought him back to earth. He unlocked his phone and saw a message from an unknown number.

**Hey, Kageyama. It's Kuroo. I asked Hinata for your number. I had to go home last minute so Chibi-chan's left alone in the apartment. I don't want her to spend the new years alone so could you come? I figured you two are in a fight but she needs someone right now.**

Not an hour later, he found himself standing in front of her door. He had a bag of food and even a change of clothes in his bag because he hoped for the best, that she would forgive him. But he couldn't even bring himself to knock.

 _Do you want her out of your life?_ He asks himself and he already knew the answer. _So man the hell up and knock._

Just as his knuckles were touching the door, it opened and she lets out a gasp, her hand clutching her chest.

"Jesus. What the hell are you doing out here, Tobio?" she asks him and his mouth open and close, like a fish left to die on land. She shakes her head and leaves the trash by the door before pulling him inside.

Tobio's eyes follow her as she walked inside, heading for the couch and she narrows her gaze at him so he quickly follows her.

"I brought food," he mumbles and places the bag on the counter while she raised a brow, arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Spit it out already."

Tobio missed her. God, he misses her so _fucking_ much.

"I'm sorry."

He bites down on his bottom lip, looking at her and he sees the flicker in her eyes. As if one look from him crumbled all the anger in her.

"Tetsu's just my bestfriend, okay?" She clears up again with a sigh. "I know you weren't asleep when I told you. But I meant it. I love you and I'm willing to wait for you."

Tobio didn't know what to reply. But it seems like that didn't matter to her. She moved to the bag of food and started to bring them out, heating them in the oven.

"Quit that constipated look already," she laughs, flicking his forehead. "I don't need an answer right now."

He knew it was selfish of him but he sighed in relief. Still, he moves to wrap his arm around her because he missed being close to her. After eating, they decide that they'd wait for the countdown by watching movies. They cuddled on the sofa, dozing off at times but she made sure she had an alarm a minute before midnight.

When the buzz from her phone went off, she changed the channel to the countdown and looked at Tobio with excitement.

"So what's your new year's resolution?" She asked and he smiled at the question.

"I don't know, health?" He answers lamely. "Maybe acceptance," he says the next word quieter but she catches it yet chooses to not acknowledge it. "What about you?"

"I guess—"

"5!" The countdown started and she turned away from him as she counted away with the hosts from the television.

"4!"

Tobio watches her and the way the light from the telly reflected on her face.

"3!"

A tug on his heartstrings came as she smiled with excitement.

"2!"

Her eyes turn to him and he shivers from how intense her gaze was.

"1!"

With a smile, the same innocent smile she had since the day they met, she leaned in and kissed him.

Tobio knew then. From the way, his heart ached more of her. That he was completely and utterly fucked.

_don't try to trap us_  
_in the word 'love'_  
_because it's a greed that can't be filled_

The new year came and their meet ups turned much more frequent. Most of her free time was spent in Tobio's apartment whenever he's present. Most nights, she spent there beside him, tangled in his warm sheets and wrapped in his tight hold.

He was more than contented with this. No questions asked yet his heart felt full with emotions. However the day finally came when she can't supress her feelings. It was around March when she finally said it.

She's leaving for class after spending the night, again, at Tobio's. He's still in bed, his class was later that afternoon and practice next. After making sure that she's already got everything in her bag, she leans down and presses a kiss on his lips.

"I'm off. Love you."

Perhaps it was a slip of the tongue but she didn't see the surprised and definitely frightened look on his face as she left the apartment.

Tobio thought it was a one time thing. But the next day, she dropped by his place to leave some food before she's off to go home to her parents'.

"I'll see you after the weekend. I love you."

She leaves a kiss on his lips, smiling slyly at him and she's out of the door before he knew it.

That was followed by more. Every time she leaves his place or they would part while walking together, she would say 'I love you' and Tobio didn't like how it somehow short-circuits his brain.

She tugs at his hand and that pulls him out of his train of thought. They already reached her building and Tobio was about to bid goodbye when she pressed a kiss on his cheek.

"See you after class, Tobio. I love you."

_at first it was half excitement, half worries_  
_but in the end it became an obligation, trial and error_

"Stop."

He finally says after two weeks of enduring it. He wasn't looking at her so he didn't see the wave of pain washing over her face.

This is it. She knew that what he would say next would be the end of this.

"I— don't say those words." He heaves out a sigh as if this pained him more than her.

"O-okay," she replies and the break in her voice said enough.

Tobio winced as she left with the door loudly closing.

She didn't come back after that. And he knew he's done it. He finally pushed her away.

The next time he sees her though, was in a nearby cafe. The one they both frequented. Tobio has been holding off on going there but he needed his fill of caffeine. And so as he entered, his eyes landed almost instantly at you. You were laughing with Kenma and Kuroo who sat across from you. He tries not to stare but she's already looking back at him.

Tobio thought that she'd look away quickly. Probably run off the place. But instead you smiled at him. And somehow that hurt him more. It wasn't the same innocent smile you always had on your face. It was a mask of pain. A smile that didn't reach your eyes nor turn them into crescent moons. A smile that he'd never recognize yet here it was, plastered on your face. Just to show him that she's not at all fine. But she wants him to think that she is.

Before he could run out of the cafe, she stands up taking her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She waves at him and he feels like he's stabbed as she walked past him, her familiar scent _(coffee, books and baby powder, he thinks)_ hitting home. Kuroo looks at him and he shivers. He knew what that gaze meant and he could only look down on his shoes as the taller man walked away.

"Just tell her." Tobio is surprised the usually meek and timid voice speaking to him. He looks at the fellow setter, eyes blank but the obvious irritation in his face. "If you don't feel the same way or if you're too afraid to accept your feelings, just dump her. Because she's still waiting for you." With that, Kenma left and he bites down on his bottom lip. If even the usually indifferent Kenma Kozume is telling him to back off, then he really fucked up.

He feels bile rising up his throat. He doesn't know what to feel but guilt and resentment and hatred towards himself. How much more will he hurt her?

_day by day, i get nervous_  
_your innocence is too much pressure on me_  
_but tonight, i want you to stay_

It was torture. To see her with that pained smile everytime her run across together. But he accepted it. He thought maybe, soon they'd turn into his favorite innocent smile. But it didn't happen.

Somehow, Tobio found himself in a party. He never really liked going to such events but the promise of booze by his teammate made him come. So there he was, sipping beer as he simply stood in a corner. It might've been his sixth or seventh and he's already feeling the booze in his system when she walks in, Kuroo's arm draped around her shoulders.

Minutes later, she's holding a red cup, drinking and dancing away her sorrows and he still watched her with sharp eyes. She's obviously tipsy when she walks off the dance floor and Tobio follows her to the pool where she sat by a lounge chair. He contemplates on joining her and it's the kick of the beer that gives him a push.

"Didn't think I'd see you here," he says as he sits beside her. Shock obvious in her features as she recognizes him.

She's still slightly swaying from the influence of alcohol but she tried to focus. "Drinking my sadness away," she manages to say without slurring much and Tobio turns to look at her. She gives him that pained smile and all he wanted was it to go away.

So he pressed his lips on hers and soon, it was a heated make out session. It came in flashes but half an hour later, they were outside Tobio's place, the man fumbling on his keys just to get the door open.

A lot of stumbles and curses later, she's pressed against the wall, his tongue invading her mouth as his hand wandered on every possible part of her body.

"I fucking missed you," he says in the heat of the moment and maybe it was the booze but every inhibition he has is finally out of the window.

She squirmed under his intense gaze so she pulled him down, kissing him with as much fervor as him. His hands move to squeeze her thighs and she jumps, wrapping her legs around his waist as he carried her to his bedroom.

The room was filled of moans, whimpers, grunts, groans, whines and gasps. Tobio thought of nothing but the pleasure building on his stomach and the love that filled his heart. And so he thrusts and thrusts until she's in peak of her climax and still, he doesn't stop. He continues to ram inside her until she's fully spent and when she cups his cheek, sloppy thrusts still going, he cums as she says, "I love you."

He collapsed beside her. And they both probably blanked out for a moment. But when Tobio opened his eyes, she's watching him with a sad smile. Not the same pained one she used as a mask. This was just a sad smile that reflected how much she's hurting.

As she realized that he's awake, she makes a move to stand up but Tobio grips her wrist. She looks at him, tears brimming from her eyes and he breathes out.

"Stay."

If she heard him, he didn't know. She made no move but he pulled her closer and tucked her in his embrace. As if on cue, tears started flowing from her eyes and he felt them soaking his chest. He rubs her back, sweat sticking to his hands but it didn't matter. Pressing soft kisses on the crown of her head, he pulled her closer.

"Stay with me."

Tobio woke up before her. And he was glad that he did. He watched her sleep, the tears stained cheeks and the shining sun seeping from the windows still made her look flawless. He figured that she'd be hungry when she wakes up. He carefully got up from bed before heading to the kitchen.

***

You wake up without the warm embrace that lulled you to sleep and for a second, you thought that everything that happened the night before was a dream. But as you realize that you're in Tobio's room, you sigh in relief. You hear sizzling from outside and so you slip on the first shirt you see on the floor, Tobio's, and walk outside.

This is a great view, you think with a smile. But you still preferred feeling his skin with yours so you move to hug him from behind and you know, he's smiling. You don't see it but you know.

"Eat first," he says and you can now hear his smile. You let him go and sit on the stool as he placed eggs amd bacon on a plate before sitting beside you.

Silence filled the room, with the exception of the sounds of utensils against the plate. He speaks up when you're done eating.

"I'm sorry," he breathes out and you look at him. He stares back at you and finally, after so many years of gazing on those royal blues, you can see the walls crumbling. You can see him opening up to you.

"For years, I thought that this kind of setup would be enough for me. But I was wrong. I miss you everyday you're not with me and I hate myself everyday for making you cry," he sighs, voice shaking. "But please _don't expect much_. I guess, I'll forever suck at showing how I feel but.." he trails off, taking your hand in his. " _I don't wanna lose you either._ "

You crack a smile at him. Unbeknownst to you, his heart is full with relief as he stared at that same innocent smile he's always loved.

You squeeze his hand. " _You're always like this._ Saying everything and nothing. _Selfish bastard._ "

His eyes shake and you can see the regret filling them. _Was I too late,_ is what he's thinking.

"But I know what you mean. I've known for a while but I just needed to hear you say something. To confirm it."

You smile again and this time he smiles back.

"I love you," you say.

And this time, he says it back.

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> I'll proofread this later. Please leave a comment or kudos! <3
> 
> twitter: @levihits come talk to me i dont have a lot of anime moots ):


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